I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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