no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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