your room smells of hookers.
And success
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
