She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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