she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
