remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
