im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
