we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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