Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dicks are not precious.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
