Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
