i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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