This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize