Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
