the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
