Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize