my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need water and some morals
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize