There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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