just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
