Have you finally orgasmed yet?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
