You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
