YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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