I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I lost the right to judge tonight
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
