Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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