first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize