East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
