I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
