It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
