she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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