and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she smelled like a LAN party
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
