There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
