it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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