I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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