Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
