If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im holly from the hills drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
