When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
