You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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