shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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