I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
