Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
