you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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