Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
