2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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