she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize