so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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