He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
