If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
