Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize