omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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