Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
