dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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