I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
