Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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