Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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