Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
