There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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