Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
