Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and she was petting her beer can
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how drunk are you?
Several
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
