didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
