I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
