dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
