OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
