if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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