if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
