if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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