my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
