Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
