WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
