Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Alive.
So much puke
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
