Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
