what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
