i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
