She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
