i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
