Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
