i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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