I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
