he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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