there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
