You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
