Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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