I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
