Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
