Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
