I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
