Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
