I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
