I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
