Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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